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  “And then on the final lap, we’ll use the Whip to launch the weak skater—no offense, honey, but that’s you”—she said, pointing at Candace—“over the finish line to victory!” Grandma Betty Jo pumped her fists in the air. She couldn’t wait for the competition to start!

  Stacy’s words echoed in Candace’s head: All I know for sure is boys hate to be beaten by girls. . . . Candace was supernervous. What if they won? She could see it now: Candace holding up the roller-derby trophy, the crowd going wild . . . Jeremy consoling his grandmother. He would never talk to Candace again. This was going to be a disaster!

  “And remember, honey,” Grandma Betty Jo said, skating out of the locker room, “show ’em no mercy!”

  “What am I going to do?” Candace groaned as she sat alone on a locker-room bench. “I can’t beat Jeremy’s grandmother, and I can’t let my grandmother lose.” It was a totally impossible situation!

  As Candace sat there worrying, Suzy snuck into the locker room. Candace was so deep in thought that she didn’t even see her. With a sinister grin, Suzy quickly swapped Candace’s skates for another pair and then hurried out of the room. Candace reached for her skates just as an announcer came over the loudspeaker: “Skaters to their marks!”

  “Oh, great,” Candace muttered. She slowly put on her skates. “Maybe I’ll get lucky and get hit by a bus.”

  Outside the locker room, Phineas had assumed the role of announcer. High above the rink in the press box, he addressed the crowd.

  “Hello, everyone!” he shouted. “And welcome to today’s main event: the ‘Anything Goes’ grudge race of the century between Grandma Betty Jo and Grandma Hildegard. I’m Phineas Flynn, and I’ll be your announcer for today’s action, along with our color commentator, Grandpa Clyde.” Phineas leaned over and held the microphone toward his grandfather.

  “Yellow! Green! Blue!” Grandpa Clyde shouted into the mic.

  “Excellent color, Grandpa,” Phineas said approvingly.

  “Glad to oblige,” Grandpa Clyde said to Phineas, smiling.

  “And now . . .” Phineas’s voice boomed out over the speakers. “Let’s rock and roller-skate derby!”

  The crowd went wild. Phineas grinned to himself. It was showtime!

  On the rink, all the skaters were lined up at the starting line—well, almost all the skaters. Candace came to a shaky stop next to her teammates before she fell down. OOF! She looked up unhappily from the ground. She would have chosen a shopping trip over this any day!

  Hildegard and her team assumed their own starting positions. She leaned in closer to Jeremy and Suzy. “Remember, kids,” she said with a serious look on her face. “One word: roadkill.”

  “Come on, honey!” Grandma Betty Jo said to Candace, who was still lying facedown on the floor of the rink. “We’ve got butt to kick!”

  Up in the press box, Grandpa Clyde pulled the trigger on a starter pistol. And the race began!

  Candace struggled to her feet just in time, and the skaters started speeding around the track.

  “And they’re off!” Phineas shouted.

  Grandma Betty Jo and Hildegard accelerated, leaning forward into the wind. Ferb settled into an easy skating stride and kept pace with Suzy, who was trying her best to trip him. Candace and Jeremy were toward the back. The dueling grannies quickly left their teammates in the dust, as if they were the only two skaters on the rink. This was definitely a grudge match!

  Chapter 5

  The roller-derby competition was fierce! “We’re coming to the end of the race. The crowd is going nuts!” Phineas’s voice bellowed from the loudspeaker.

  But Candace was running out of steam. That is, until her grandmother skated up behind her and grabbed her hand. “Come on, Candace! Time for the Whip!” She was getting ready to break out her old team’s signature move.

  Grandma Betty Jo held Ferb’s hand on one side and Candace’s on the other. They accelerated on their way into the final curve, preparing to launch Candace out in front. But Hildegard wasn’t going down without a fight! She and her team were barreling toward the very same curve in their own crack-the-whip formation! Who was going to pull off the move first? Candace flew around the corner and came out of the Whip with a burst of speed. She was in first place!

  “Go catch her, Jeremy!” cried Suzy.

  “It’s Candace and Jeremy neck and neck as they come down the straight!” Phineas yelled. Candace looked over and saw that Jeremy was skating just as fast as she was. Uh-oh, Candace thought. What if I beat him?

  But little did they know that Suzy was right behind them, and she was about to take matters into her own hands.

  “I don’t think so,” she muttered as she pulled out a remote control. She flipped a single red switch to activate the skates Candace was wearing—the very same ones Suzy herself had swapped out for Candace’s regular skates in the locker room! Suddenly, two rocket engines shot out of the sides of Candace’s skates. ZOOM! With a fiery blast, Candace was hurled backward. She catapulted toward the stands and the power of her jet-engine skates flung her into the crowd.

  Candace tried not to panic. She picked herself up, raced backward up the stadium steps, ricocheted off the top row of seats, and spun through the air. The crowd anxiously held its breath. A few seconds later, Candace landed—amazingly—right back on the rink, just a couple of paces behind Jeremy!

  “But wait! Candace and Jeremy are back in the race . . . but they’re going the wrong way!” Phineas cried.

  It was true—Candace had made it back to the rink. Only now she was headed in the wrong direction—and she was totally out of control!

  Candace and Jeremy slammed into Suzy at full speed, and then into Ferb. Now they were all speeding in the direction opposite the finish line—and right toward their grandmas! Just as the kids braced themselves for a giant collision, both grandmothers leaped over them, sailing through the air.

  Grandma Betty Jo came down first, and then Hildegard landed right on Grandma Betty Jo’s shoulders. Hildegard was covering her rival’s eyes as she tried to hang on.

  “Get off me! I can’t see!” Grandma Betty Jo shouted as the two grannies wrestled, barreling toward the finish line.

  “It’s Grandma Betty! It’s Hildegard! It’s Betty! It’s Hildegard!” Phineas announced, struggling to keep up with the play-by-play. This was the closest roller-derby race he’d ever seen!

  Just then, the dueling grandmas crossed the finish line in a blur. The crowd was silent. It wasn’t clear who had won the race!

  But Phineas had been paying close attention. “It’s a tie!” he shouted. The crowd went wild.

  Grandpa Clyde awoke from a small catnap he’d been taking just in time to hear Phineas’s announcement. “Oh, Betty Jo isn’t going to like that,” he warned.

  Back on the rink, the grannies still had a score to settle. “Well, at least I won this race!” Grandma Betty Jo proclaimed.

  “You won?! You’re crazy,” Hildegard replied. She was still sitting on Grandma Betty Jo’s shoulders. “I obviously crossed the finish line first.”

  “Wrong! And, get off!” Grandma Betty Jo shrugged her shoulders and Hildegard crashed to the ground with a loud thud!

  Candace skated excitedly toward her grandmother. “Hey, Grandma, that was really fun!” she exclaimed. “I thought it would be totally lame and I’d hate it, but I had fun!” She gave her grandmother a big hug.

  Grandma Betty Jo turned toward her old rival, who was sitting on the ground with Jeremy and Suzy. “What about you, Hilda? Did you have fun?” she asked, giving her a small smile.

  “Yeah, I did,” Hildegard admitted. “Maybe it’s not so important who won, as long as we had fun with the kids.”

  Grandma Betty Jo agreed. “Yeah, maybe it’s not so important.” She paused. “But just for the record, I won!”

  As the grandkids looked on anxiously, the two ladies squared off again.

  “You mean, even though you lost, it’s having fun that’s important!” Hildega
rd shouted.

  Grandma Betty Jo narrowed her eyes at Hildegard. “Race you to the Rutherford B. Hayes statue!” she challenged. “Go!” The grannies sped off once more on their skates, leaving their grandkids behind.

  Here we go again! Phineas thought.

  Back at Evil, Incorporated’s headquarters, Perry was still trapped in his cage.

  Dr. Doofenshmirtz pushed the trap away from the window. “So, Perry the Platypus, in order to rid myself of that horrid bearded statue, I’ve invented the . . .” The evil doctor stopped in mid-sentence and grunted, exhausted from trying to push Perry’s cage. “Ugh! Perry the Platypus, this is so heavy. Can you just step out for a second?” he complained. He unlocked the door of Perry’s metal trap, and the platypus stepped out. Well, that was easy, Perry thought.

  Dr. Doofenshmirtz led Agent P across the room to his latest evil invention. “I’ve invented the Breadinator!” Dr. Doofenshmirtz announced. He rubbed his hands together eagerly. Then he pointed to a control panel with a large loaf of bread pictured on the front of it. Perry noticed that on top of the control panel was a giant wire cage. The cage was full of dozens of black-and-white birds, flapping their wings furiously. Above it all was an enormous ray gun, aimed right out the window. Just what was the doctor up to this time? Agent P wondered.

  “Not only will this machine emit a ray that will turn Mr. President into wholegrain bread, it will also release a flock of hungry magpies that will devour the doughy statue!” The evil doctor laughed maniacally. “Bread go bye-bye!” he taunted in a singsong voice.

  Perry’s mind was already whirring with ideas. He knew he had to defeat the evil doctor somehow!

  Chapter 6

  Defeating Dr. Doofenshmirtz was going to be easier than Perry thought. “Perry the Platypus, my head is killing me.” The evil doctor looked defeated and really tired. “This is all a wash anyway. I’ll turn on the ray, and you’ll turn off the ray, thwarting my plan.”

  Agent P kept silent and didn’t make a move. “Let’s just get this over with, all right?” the doctor continued. He moved toward the control panel and pulled a large red lever. “Ray on!” he announced.

  The ray gun whirred to life, and a red-hot glowing beam shot out of the gun and through the window. It was heading right toward the statue! But just then, two workers walked by, carrying a large sheet of glass. Right as the beam was about to strike and destroy the statue, it bounced off the glass and headed in the other direction.

  Agent P knew he had to move quickly. He leaped across the room and flipped the ray lever to the OFF position.

  “Ray off. Good,” Dr. Doofenshmirtz said. He was too distracted to notice that the cage door above them had already opened—suddenly there were magpies everywhere! They were on the loose and flying out the window!

  “I’m just going to lie down for a bit,” the doctor called to Perry as he shuffled out of the room. “I promise I’ll be more evil next time, all right?”

  But Agent P’s job was far from finished. Someone had to stop the wayward laser beam and flock of magpies from causing any damage! He leaped out the window, skillfully catching the rope he had used to scale the building earlier, and swung into action.

  * * *

  Back at the roller-derby rink, the rematch was over, the fans had gone home, and things were returning to normal. Outside the rink, Candace got down to business.

  “All right, all right,” she told Phineas and Ferb. “We’ve had our kicks. But mom’s still going to flip when she sees this.”

  She pointed to the giant roller-derby rink behind them. There was no way Phineas could cover up this one!

  Just then, the kids heard a car door slam. “Ooh, that’s their car!” Candace said excitedly. “You are so busted!” She skated off to greet her parents, leaving Phineas and Ferb alone in the backyard.

  Phineas and Ferb looked at each other nervously. Their parents weren’t going to be happy about this at all! Phineas had just started brainstorming about what to do when suddenly, a pink laser beam shot through the sky and hit the side of the roller-derby rink! The rink turned bright pink and started flashing. And then it turned into a gigantic loaf of bread! Phineas and Ferb looked at each other and shrugged. They didn’t know what had just happened.

  Moments later, Candace came skating out of the house, struggling to stay on her feet.

  “Mom! Come on, come on! The boys built a giant roller rink in the backyard!” she called behind her gleefully. Then she stopped dead in her tracks. “Uh . . . a giant loaf of bread?” she said, staring in disbelief at the sight in front of her. She looked accusingly at Phineas.

  “I don’t know,” Phineas told his sister. He was as shocked as Candace was.

  “Mom! Mom! The boys built a giant loaf of bread in the backyard!” Candace yelled, heading back inside.

  “What?” Mrs. Flynn called from inside the house. “I thought you said it was a roller rink.”

  But as soon as Candace had gone, things got even crazier! Phineas and Ferb watched as a massive flock of birds suddenly swooped down and started to devour the doughy treat! Little did they know that Dr. Doofenshmitz’s invention had caused a giant loaf of bread to land in their backyard!

  And they also didn’t know that Perry the Platypus had chased the birds into the backyard, so they could enjoy the large snack. It was tough being a secret agent, but someone had to do it!

  “Come on!” Candace yelled, as she dragged her mother and father into the backyard. “See?” she said, gesturing wildly.

  “Candace, what are you talking about?” her mom asked, giving her daughter a concerned look.

  Candace looked at the now-empty backyard. “B-b-b-bread,” she stammered. There had been a loaf of bread there just one second ago, she was positive! She stomped her foot angrily. Phineas always got away with everything—it was so unfair!

  “Boys, I think she’s finally lost it,” Mrs. Flynn joked. Mr. Fletcher smiled.

  “Hey, Dad, how did your speech go?” Phineas asked.

  “Well, I have to say it was thimble-y wonderful.” Their dad laughed at his own joke.

  Just then, Phineas noticed a remote control with a single red button sitting on the ground between him and Ferb. “Hey, what does this thing do?” he wondered aloud, picking it up. He pressed the red button.

  “Wha—” Candace started to say just as the fiery jet engines on her roller skates roared to life. She flew backward at breakneck speed. “Aaaaahh!” she screamed.

  At that very moment, Jeremy strolled into the backyard.

  “Hey, guys. Candace around?” he asked.

  Suddenly, Candace rocketed toward Jeremy. They were heading for a major collision! But then, just in time, Jeremy reached out and caught Candace in his arms.

  “Good catch, Jeremy,” Ferb said. Phineas nodded in agreement.

  Candace gazed up at Jeremy. “He sure is,” she said dreamily.

  And so ended another day of Phineas and Ferb’s exciting summer vacation. Phineas grinned to himself. It had turned out to be a pretty awesome day, after all!

  Part Two

  Chapter 1

  “And that, ladies and gents, is how I defeated wild tigers in the Amazon,” Ferb’s Grandpa Reg said as he leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.

  It was another sunny summer morning for Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher—only this one was a little more exciting because Ferb’s Grandpa and Grandma Fletcher had arrived from England for a visit! Phineas and Ferb and the rest of the family were gathered around the kitchen table listening to Grandpa Reg’s outrageous stories. He sure had plenty of them!

  “Awesome story!” Phineas exclaimed. He loved hearing about the wild adventures Grandpa Reg always seemed to have. If only he could be so lucky!

  “Well, I’m sure you’re going to hear plenty more fantastical stories during Gram and Gramps’ visit,” Mr. Fletcher said, smiling at his kids.

  “You know, I was thinking we could all head to the mall,” Phineas’s mo
m, Mrs. Flynn suggested, changing the subject.

  “What a splendid idea,” Grandma Winnie agreed. “I’d love to treat Candace to some new clothes,” she said, winking at Candace.

  Candace Flynn, Phineas’s and Ferb’s sister, clapped her hands excitedly and sprinted to the car. She was not one to miss a shopping opportunity, and with her Grandma Winnie treating, maybe she could finally get the outfit she’d been admiring!

  “Hey, Mom, could we just stay home and hear some more of Grandpa’s cool stories?” Phineas asked. He and Ferb preferred to leave the shopping to Candace. Besides, it was summer vacation, and they didn’t want to spend it in some stuffy mall!

  “Sounds good to me,” Mrs. Flynn replied.

  The rest of the family headed out to the car while Phineas and Ferb anxiously waited for their grandfather to tell another exciting story.

  Grandpa Reg looked at Ferb. “My boy!” he exclaimed. “What’s this behind your ear?” He reached his hand behind Ferb’s ear and pulled out a thick, brown leather book.

  “It’s my scrapbook,” he said. He set the huge book down on the table with a loud thump.

  Phineas eyed Grandpa Reg suspiciously. “How did you do that?” he asked.

  His grandfather smiled. “I may seem like a blarmy ole git now, but when I wasn’t so long in the tooth, I had some grand larks and engaged in a fair amount of derring-do,” he said in his British accent. He slapped his knee and leaned back in his chair, laughing.

  “Translate?” Phineas whispered to Ferb.

  “When he was younger, he did a bunch of stuff,” Ferb replied matter-of-factly. Ferb never said much, but he always seemed to know exactly what was going on.